Anxiety: It is too painful to feel, so you numb yourself – Part I

I once was in a setting with a few individuals. One individual was unable to relax, they had nothing to do but purposefully made everything they have done seem to take longer, nonstop talking, nonstop activity and continuous stressful situations with their surroundings. The only time I have seen this person relaxed is when they were not awake and even then, they probably couldn’t relax – but that I do not know for sure. Pointing out anxiety to someone who has it and does not know they have it can be confronting and might not be your position to diagnose someone in the first place. The purpose of all of these topics is to guide you to look at your own bellybutton. So, I invite you to look at your own bellybutton.

How you behave while anxious might not be your best self, or might be showing a version of you that is suffering and unable to breakthrough the chains that have been put around you by your own traumatic experiences of all levels and sorts. When you go through a traumatic experience as you are growing you switch on “autopilot” and allow your mind to navigate you through that period of your life. When does this period begin? And when does it end? When does your mind realize that you do not need its “autopilot” anymore and you are in a stage that you can stand on your own two feat? Where do you draw the line to switch “autopilot” off? How can a subconscious decision to switch on “autopilot” become a conscious decision to switch off “autopilot”? Keeping in mind a subconscious decision is a decision we are fully unaware that it has taken place, it could be nearly absolutely impossible to reach to that switch and turn it off.

To become aware of a traumatic experience and retrieve memories related to it is essential to realize what mechanism has evolved by your mind in order to minimize the damage. Your mind has been there to protect you, cherish you because without your wellbeing you cannot survive. However, as you exit the traumatic situation, and with that subconscious “autopilot” defense mechanism that has been built around you to protect you starts becoming a burden on your life, your present moment and your future. To reach out and switch off that “autopilot” you want to acknowledge your traumas, no matter how small and how big they are. You want to seek help to talk about them, not with your best friend but with a professional. Don’t listen to mantras, religious rhymes and prayers and expect a miracle is going to happen. Seek professional help.

When you have sought professional help, you will start unleashing layers of your traumatic experiences and start realizing that some of the things you have been doing, saying, feeling, and acting are a result of that beautiful mind of yours that did it’s ultimate best to protect you as you have had the toughest times in your life when you were the most vulnerable. You will become familiar with your themes, the patterns that your mind has created, the riddles, the mazes for you to maneuver your life in a safe and sound manner. But the time in which you needed to walk in mazes is over. You are a grown up today and seeking ways to further love yourself, enhance your understanding to own self and to continue living or maybe start living life to the fullest while tapping into your fullest potentials.

Once you acknowledged your traumas, and figured out your patterns and themes, you will then become conscious about your behaviors. That fast-talking you used to do for many minutes or that excessive cleaning you used to continuously do every day or week, or that excessive workouts you have done for many years 7 days a week few hours a day, now all make sense. You survived because of those, but today, you are choosing to reach out, and turn that switch down because you do not need it anymore. You are a capable individual who wants to stand on their own two feat with the temporary help of a professional.

Remember this, you are responsible and capable of your own personal development. You could hire one hundred professionals to uncover the secrets of your mind, and if you are in doubt or do not want to become better, those one hundred professionals will be unable to help you in any shape or form. You need to want to help yourself get better. Anyone else won’t be able to do it for you. You will be the initiator and the sealer of your own journey towards getting better – it has a beginning and an end.

You can become aware after reading these few words how far does your anxiety control you, how far does it go. And you also know what you might want to do to become better (1) begin to believe that you as an individual are not your traumatic experiences but rather these experiences have passed on your path (2) begin to believe that you as an individual deserves to become better because you are born in this existence just like everyone else (3) seek help from a professional and set your goals straight with them from the beginning (4) understand that we as humans are imperfect living in the ordinary society and therefore we will fall back to old patterns when caught off guard – this is by no means a failure – it is rather a natural flow of incidents within our lives – however, since we have turned on the light on our anxieties and their origins, there is no need to fear because by now, by shedding a light and talking about it, you evolve.

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